Andy Patton/ Indiana/ Romantic/ Unicorn

Hey puddins, name's Andy Patton of Hammond, Indiana. I'm single, lonely, poor and most times can't afford ramen. its been 4yrs having not fucked a woman mainly scarred from heartbreak but also i seek love and not fingerbangs, i'm a novelist of over a dozen books (details in my publshed folder on my facebook .com/boathopper page, add me) I have 800+ short films,15 are pretty good, you'd have to type 'andyp's short films' to see some on multiple accounts, i'm always deleted, a rebel on youtube, i have a hellraiser script at hellraisernightshines.yolasite.com, another tumblr at clivedavinciromance , i had a script in hollywood bounced around called boathopper which is science fiction about a monster slamming into our oceans, but the serial killer described in it is identical and predates the 'dexter' book and show, and yes its copywritten just like the rest of my sampled work, stephen king even samples me, to see more about the dexter narrative and incredible journey your detections could take just youtube 'andyp's arduous travels of an unrenound serial killer'. my body is caked and dented in scars, lacerations and holes because i'm a good person, a strong person, doing good things in a horrible place.i'm was entering a finished 3rd horror feature into sundance but its incomplete, i made it by myself in a empty building when i was homeless, its under 'sundancers andyp's' on youtube, the 2nd part is the best, my 1st two features were generic slashers and don't count as serious, i'm finishing up another book, a fantasy novel i think will be bigger than harry potter...i WILL become larger than stephen king, and you wonder why i choose such a high totum to climb other than a smaller horror writer? well its because i've finished libraries of writing, novels and shorts, all the decades i've been alone and sad in a dark room as an introvert, what is dormant, and what is almost accomplished is more thatn king, almost, i need a few green miles and stand by me's first, and then i need a few other stories and books and i will have achieved more elaborate words than star wars or marvel combined, i just have to get them seen is all, tha'ts the hard/easy part......i hang out with my gay friends in portage, they're all i have in my life, my mexican bestie is leaving ot vegas, i don't have any other real friends, and no family left, i'm just all alone in the world, i drive a stupid car i spraypainted purple, i act like a retard because i want to filter through phony uptight people, i want a real cool, good girl, who doesn't fuck everyone like everyone in society does, i want a lover and rebel and fighter, not someone who's ordinary like my ex who breaks hearts and breaks herself off pieces of dick at any whim, i haven't kissed a girl in over 2 years. I'm not a sleazeball, i've only had 3serious long relationships, that means i've only had sex with 3 people, no additional fingerbangs or buttfuckings, maybe i kissed ten more girls, but that's it. I say heartfelt poems or perversion after almost every pic i reblog, so the history of my tumblr is quite a reading adventure. I'm a horror writer, here is a link to my newest collection of stories http://www.lulu.com/shop/andrew-patton/reflections-in-the-dark/paperback/product-20340079.html I'm an animal activist.gay rights activist, civil rights activist and women's rights activist, BUT I despise stupid groups of people like most feminists, most bisexuals, most of what p.e.t.a does, truth anti smoking commercials, etc, because these consist mainly of spoiled brats doing nothing, not being in any form of fight, just a lap of luxery, forcing their beliefs or ways of life on you even if they are the most insane selfish things imagineable, like i actually argue with people who do gangbangs and have swinger parties, could they honestly justify that disgusting shit to me, do it on your own time and leave me out of your sexcapades, i'm the most fucked up person alive, stranger by far of any human alive, i have an imaginative mind but i also have social skills, i know what its like being lonesome its why i hate when people just fuck tons of others, they spit at something i wish i had, they are gluttonous. My idols are Clive Barker, i made my art collection entirely out of scratch but i had him in mind to impress him, and i also made a book of short stories like his books of blood, i'm very similar to him, a huge fan, but it wasn't on purpose, its weird, its liked he fucked my mom in the 70's before he went gay or something, Stephen King, Kenny Hotz, Wayne Pacelle of the hspca, and others, even steve o and tom green. i'm the poorest person i know, yet i give my singles to bums, i'm selfless, i'm lazy, but when i have ambition like someone helping me, i'll create milestones. i make all my videos mostly in this loft at my moms house, i'm stuck here until my federal probation is up, not like i'll go anywhere else unless i get mental disability, i have no drive in life for average shit, i'm a creator, not an assembly line worker, i don't need the shit that money can buy, i'd never go to disneyland again even if someone bought me a package cause i think its extravagent and there are kids that will never see that place, i'd let them go in my place. i dislike snooty superficial people who act like they are better than you and are mean and bully and act like they're cool, when really they are fucking ignorant whiny brats in college or some shit trying to find their identities; they are jackoffs. so beware if you get offended by something i say, which is almost always a joke, cause i'll outdebate you and i'm VERY mean to bullies who get used to being tools in their normal lives with normal people, cause i'm not normal, i'm elite, cream of the crop, super large penis machoman, and i'm wittier, funnier and fucking the coolest fuck you'll ever know period, so bitches on their periods stand no chance either. My trolling book is blowing up, its sold 43 copies now, i've made it cheaper, black & white, so i'm making money now, DON'T USE CREATESPACE they are not creative friendly. you can find my large magazine type trolling book here.. http://www.lulu.com/shop/andrew-patton/trolling-101/paperback/product-20324152.html I've been raised by women without a father, i'm very feminine but strong, so don't turn me into an angry woman that will tell you off, but it takes alot to even get me mad, it just may seem i'm mad cause i'm pretty creative and outspoken, but really, i just laugh at your insults and bullying and i destroy anything you shit out with my verbal reckonings. I don't think i'm better than anyone, i'm kind to everyone, and that's what opens my mouth in the first place, is people attacking me or trying to bully me, it reminds me of how they could be doing it do someone else, like a gay kid, a black person, a woman, and it pisses me off. scene kids are the worst, almost like nazis cause they are a form of upper rich caste system that thinks they're better and they get snobby and uptight and its fucking annoying. I'm faithful,, sometimes romantic, sometimes funny genuine human. I dob not have anything in common with humans, I feel I'm more intelligent and its a burden being in a way, an ugly duckling. But I relate to morons too, because I am a stupid moron sometimes, I'm silly like that. next month i will have seen 10 psychiatrists in my life yet there's nothing even wrong with me.I'm the kind of person who would volunteer his head to a row of nazis so that others may live, i'm selfless. I'm also the kind of person who would be the ONLY one to stand up and risk not being hidden anymore, risk being killed by those nazis just to stand up to them. I'm a leader. I've led 100 of the world's worst maniacs in a jail cell for a year, I was on the back of a 7ft nigerian man preventing him from killing someone, I was a good person in a bad place, like jesus walking this shitty earth. Upon an apoclypse in 2012 i can lead the world to peace. i'm also the kind of person that is a fighter, i can be on my bloody knees before a dozen nazis and slice all their throats in moments before they know what's happening. I've only been with 3 girls, all long relationships and am still looking for my true soul mate on this planet, I've scavenged billions of galaxies looking and my search has ended here. You're here somewhere, I sense you. My ex got me put in jail to become a pornstar? She sent a threat to Kevin Spacey's website. The fuckers stole my movie 'The Thing' but made it shitty, read my synopsis or script at thethingfromanotherworld.webs.com. 2nd time feds kicked in my door, guns blazing, I told them my gf had shaved a penis in my chest hair, which she really did the night before, they looked and laughed and withdrew their guns out of our faces, I basically saved that crazy ex ponrstar, tattood bitch's life with my wittiness and her stupid art project she did on me when she was bored. Plus, having a lifesize darth maul figurine at the foot of my bed didn't really solidify to these saps I was a real serial murderer. I'm a handyman and can do just about anything, I'm currently building a movie set for my next silly video. I type 100 words a minute. I'm great with my mind, hands and dignity and I apply those things to women. I'm the most compassionate person alive or who has ever lived. I'm a registered rehabber wih the D.N.R. of Indiana. I"m incredible in all sports. I love spending time with someone I love watching movies and going out to eat, just waiting on that right girl. I have a bachelor's in English, and an associates from Minneapolis in Art instruction, but I'm happy with being a loser, being poor and having no future, I'm just trying to manage every day on this shitty planet, being a very lonely wise thing. I've been to California a dozen times in the last 2 years and not for vacation or my own accord (long story). I'm VERY down to earth and give great advice. If I could go to Chipotle daily I would, but I have no girl in my life, no significant other, no waddling penguin, no friend to hold my hand. i do like a girl alot, but i realize how fucked up i am, sometimes i don't even want to get out of bed, i'd need her to understand what its like to be lonesome and depressed, i really miss holding someone. we're all doomed to die, it sucks, i'm just trying to make my life as comfortable as possible with the little means i have, hopefully they'll put me on mental disability and i can continue my writing without having to work shit jobs to make ends meet, or save for a date with a girl and it never happens anyways go to a few of my sites myspace.com/andyp6 or Andy's Facebook link is below, its facebook.com/boathopper i have a new myspace account but rarely use it

bunnyfood:

(via lawebloca)

clivedavinci: damn what the fuck

clivedavinci: he looks like one of those rappers from eminem’s crew, forgot the dude’s name, he had like a smooshy face like this too, he’s like ‘go’hed gurl i got’cho back’,…. man i’ve been doing more lawncare shit all fucking day today, some adjuster came out to look at some damages, half the time my boss chatted that guy up my day was easy, but half my day was grueling heat exhaustive slave labor, i did regular shit at the gym but only ran a half mile, my head is fucking killing me man, i gotta start wearing a hat in the heat, i mean, i am fuckin bald n shit, those sunbeam laserbeams go right through my hair n shit onto my head, shit’s gonna boil this exquisite mind of mine, and i took a sloppy joe to go, i’m gonna start eating after i workout man i don’t wanna be all bloated with grease n shit, i don’t want john travolta up inside my bootyhole n shit, get it, because he was in the movie grease, sike that didn’t make any sense

(via bunnyfood)

bunnyfood:

(via lawebloca:tastefullyoffensive )

clivedavinci: this was kinda like her today, she never gets that close to me, i didn’t even look at her though, i wanted to so fucking bad you have no idea, but i’m glad i didn’t and i’m glad i never will again, i’m just gonna go about my way without her in my life, she was never fucking in it in the first place, like do you think my exiting would mean a fukcing difference to her life at all? fuck no, i’m not the guy she wanted, i’m not someone to even shoot a message to , i’m not someone with unlimited parlor tricks, i have nothing up my sleeve as a matter of fact, at all, just my hairy arms n shit, i have to move forward in a healthy way man, god i have that hailey bitch in my mind from one tree hill, they boned because her and this dude went and got married all randomly n shit, i would’ve fukcin married that faggot man, hell just for a date n shit, dude andy quit being gay, and i’m not even playing the ignore game anymore, that’s reserved for couples or people that talk to each other n shit, yeah hailey had the guy keep chasing her relentlessly because she was a good girl, but hell even that dude got a chance n shit and he was a fucking sleazeball at first just trying to use her, yeah no more ignoring games man, as you can see i’m still talking agbout her in a way and saying this shit so i’m not playing the ignore game i’m just spouting my feelings about absolutely nothing, which is the consensus to my life, which it’ll always be and always stay, day by day the memory of her will fade, i’ll see her go past with her gorgeous self with some young stud n shit, she’ll move on with her regular life and i’ll be stuck in the same gay retarded one i’m cursed with, its cool, there’s this trainer bitch that works there who let down her hair, she’s so fucking hot and brownette, man i really liked that lil puert rican chick, i’m so glad i eluded her tempestuous gaze because she probably would’ve reeled me right back in somehow with her pizazz, but i’m sick of being lured towards nothing, its like i’m pepe lepeu sniffing the mist in the air, thinking i’m in love with another toon, but as you could always see in the cartoon he’s just duped away for some other means an dthat’s the story of my life, its like she’s floating me over a cliff and then she’s going to remove the carpet of air out from my nostrils so i’ll plummet for no reason other than she could, i just want you to know man, i don’t hate you, but i also don’t like you anymore and its no fault of my own, how long are you supposed to lead a guy on? i’m glad you may’ve laughed at some of the shit i say and maybe the rare times i said something sweet you ate it all up, just know it was all from my heart, i really liked you, i shiver everytime i was near you, but week by week that’s been put in the record books, of lamest guy love competition, i’ve grown distant and i stopped liking someone who simply didn’t like me back, like why would i like someone that doesn’t like me? i’m not some creep, or a stalker or even bothersome, i’m a badass and if someone cannot see i’m the equivalence to their life, then they can go finger themselves for life, i wish you the best n shit, i’m sure you’ll get fingerbanged by a few douchebags who lift, but guys that’ll never lift you like a helium balloon in your heart, but those are learning experiences i guess for you, hope you have a guy that treats you somewhat nice, sucks i couldn’t have you, sucks to think someone else will havfe you, but oh well that’s life, i’ll find someone else one day, i just gotta get out more

clivedavinci: us, i’m big and fat, you’re a little tart, i’m in a prison though, you’re almost as strong as me though, you have freedom to walk around and mingle in crowds of people, i just have my fat hairy balls to keep me company, and a pretend village and life, plastic trees, styrofoam rocks, and then you, through this window, my only friend n shit, and you look back like a tard, you don’t even put your hand to the glass or try speaking so that i could read your lips

(via bunnyfood)

clivedavinci: in a way i’m like peyton from one tree hill, i’m an artist unsure, and you’re chad michal murray’s character, trying to blend into something that isn’t really that important, something you’re great at, only to prove it to yourself and then probably be done with it, i don’t think you’re just an athletic girl, i think yoiu’re stronger and more defined than anyone, and i know you can win in competitions, you can earn yourself
trophies that nobody else could, not even the boys, even just one would be so amazing, but if you didn’t feel like it, that too would be fine because you have the pictures to prove it, you’re fucking huge and ripped, bigger than even i was at your age and i was a supreme champion jock and i was a BOY, you’re incredible in every sense of the word, that peyton girl is always being toyed by your jocky bf when he teases her and is like ‘i just wanna quit the team, you quit cheerleading, let’s do it, lets just be together and be happy and not care what anyone thinks, lets live our lives’, whatever you want out of life, i’d do it full go with you, my biggest fear is some boy is going to beat me to the punch, talk to you and lift with you and then i’ll be obsolete, you’ll have a partner, and then you’ll take it to the next level, not even if he’s romantic, or cares, but because the physical aspects are there, the grunting, sweating and proximity and opposite sex chemistry, it’d be inevitable, you posted something about don’t worry about who wants him as long as all he cares about is you, and i assure you you’d never have to worry, i don’t have my sights just set on you, you’re the thing that’s blinding me, and i cannot even walk afterwards, i’m blind, i’d need a stick and stuttersteps to get even an inch, i need you to take me by the hand
and guide me, because you’re all i want… but what are you waiting for? every day you waste is a day we cannot get back, i ask myself why you
can be friends with older men and not me? guys FAR superiorally creepier than i’d EVER been in the prime of my creepiness and exposings of myself to like you and even contact you, like, how do they differ? they’re a billion times more lame, because someone knows someone in your family or shoots the shit with you at a job or school that makes them qualified for you to talk to them differently? and its not shyness either, like i told you all you have to do is contact me online, i won’t spout off about it, are you afraid if you contact me anonymously
with a fake page that i’d catch onto who it was and make fun of you or get agitated? that’s what i hope for everyday, but hopefully not a catfish because that’s already going on in my shitty life in the boatloads, i don’t need anymore of that shit, please just be yourself around me, please just talk to me..or don’t…if you dont’ like me..i’ll move on man, its that simple, i’m not going to fight for someone who doesn’t like me back and is just toying with me, i have real feelings and i’m sick of being on the sidelines, i wanna play, i wanna start, i wanna be your champion, i wanna SCORE BABY!!! p.s. you know who you kinda remind me of? that girl
hailey from the show, yoiu know, the only actual hot one in the entire show? just like in life too since you’re amazingly gorgeous perfection, she has a great smile like you too, and she’s a cool girl, the one he should actually be with n shit, man it kills me to think you have guy friends in your life, it really does, any boy or guy that can get close to you
kills me so hard, i love it when you’re just at home like a bum ya know, it makes me so happy,i wish one day we could be bums together, share a little sliver of some cardboard ya know like a real bum heehee, sike, i wanna be the guy to be inoculated into your life and save you from boredom and loneliness, man i hope that’s what you’re waiting for, i hope you’re waiting for the day you’re allowed and then you talk to me and ask me out or some shit, i hope its that simple, but i don’t think you like me afterall man, who knows, we’ll find out i guess, but as of now my heart is untenanted with its soul or feeling without you in my life, that hailey character (sorry i’m still on the 1st season you penis, i’m watching it because you liked it so much i need as much insight into you as i can get, and i just wanna enjoy what you enjoy) well that hailey character and the jocky dude trying to get her to tutor him, well is that where
you learned to make someone work so hard for you? you knew i’d always keep hurdling and always getting up with scratched knees huh? but that guy is using her for somethingi haven’t found out yet, its just a ploy, but still its kind of an obtuse romance, she’s so mean, like how you were with me, i hope one day you’d tutor me, the boy who doesn’t have any secret schemes, and i hope you’d teach me how to love again, i want you to be the one to teach me, and i’m sorry, i guess i do have a scheme of my own that you don’t see, i don’t really need tutored in fact, i’m actually a professor phd of love, and what you teach me i can teach back to you tenfold, you know how they do that burning boat shit, where everyone burns something to move past and grow and become better,
well i want our silence to be floated along don’t you? one of these days i wanna sit beside you on a boat along the rivers of venice, under a canopy and enjoying the day, going to a cafe after or something, let me be your real life casanova, i didn’t think the show would be that good, its
more primetime bullshit, but its actually good and reminds me a lot of smallville, another show from the wb just about superman and more intense and dramatic with just as many relationship twists too, but as i watch each 40 min episode, there’s 22 in this 1st season too, wow, anyways as i watch them i try to think about you and how you felt while watching them, see the similarities to your life, or what you see in the characters that make you like the show so much, or maybe what you can relate to or even desire in real life, what about peytons online webcam
thing? and he watches, every night he watches, and she wanted sex, and when they finally got together he put his hand on her heart and said he’s wanted her for so long, that part of her, and it shocked her, well in a way isn’t that us, its such a coincidence, maybe that’s why you
kinda like me, its all by accident that it relates to the show in this way, because i was merely led by my own heart towards you, and the online relationship we have of watching each other is so relateable with us huh? and with haley and nathan, like its flipped with us, he’s embarassed
to be seen with her n shit, where its you who’s embarassed to be seen with me, and after their date and denying to his friends they were even on a date when they passed by them, he told her he was sorry and often makes a lot of mistakes and then just kissed her, that’s good romance,
but at the same time, if that’s what you wanted, that’s silly mtv shit to what we could have if you just talked to me, don’t you want real love someday possibly? don’t you wanna leap up into the arms of the guy who dared a kiss to you and then you realize how great it was and smothered him with your kiss? i wanna be smothered by you so bad, but this is torture, the silence, the games, not the waiting,but the uncertainty, and reminders of the past especially, i feel like a dunce, a foolish dunce duped by you, seeing that girl haley really depresses me, she’s so fucking gorgeous she reminds me of you so much, she’s a good girl, a girl who only wants love and to be nurturing, she wants to just spend time and kiss and cuddle her boyfriend and be there for him when he’s
down, it just sucks, i don’t even have anyone to talk to, i’ll never have girls popping in and out of my life like they all do, a girl just seeing what you’re up to n shit, actually, i’ve never had that and it sucks, there was this really hot young girl at starbucks the other day, the couple talking about sports n shit, i glanced her when i first sat down because they were
by my usual sofas, and i don’t know if she was amazed that i’m a writer who just constantly pecks with his fingers, lost in my own world, a guy who’s all alone, having the only conversations in his life with the people online, who aren’t even there, or what, but she couldn’t keep her
eyes off me, i finally began showering again after the gym and i just hit chest and they were talking about a fantasy team and th eplayers and it was basically like i was an nfl player sitting acdross them n shit, this big strong guy, but smart too, with silly shoelaces and short shorts who smelled good, she kept giving off that she worked at once upon a child
in conversation, maybe so that i could find her or something, i really didn’t get a good look at her face, i was too scared too, not because i was shy or felt creepy to take a second long look but because i didn’t wanna make the guy she was with feeling as if i looked, i felt bad
for him, they were in college probably and had been together and here i come, such a macho guy, and smart too, to the point the girl took so many damned glances it ‘should’ve’ been unnerving and creepy, but isn’t it funny how we like to only deem unattractive people that do that as ‘creeps’, nice society i guess, people can’t help who they’re attracted to, she rubbed his leg a few times acting the part but it was because of the obviousness of attractedness, and how many times he’d catch her looking, but amazingly he didn’t show such jealosy, maybe he was gay, maybe it was her brother, who knows, she began slumping over in
her seat feignging fatigue, she was such a girly girl, and in a frilly yellow dress, she had dark features was all i could gather from the milisecond glance i took as i sat down, it could’ve been that katie girl i liked for so many years and never actually met for all i know, na it wasn’t, all i know was i must’ve been on top of my game, maybe i was pretty that day, maybe i looked strong, i mean you can’t help running into attractive people in the world now could you? and if you’re meeting with your girl to talk b.s fantasy sports in a cafe i guess you’re asking for it, but, i’m so used to be desired by girls, all my life i’ve been the strong silent type
or the comedian amongst friends and so many girls, new faces and stuff, i’d kiss girls here and there but i was always shy and too mature, but i was ALWAYS desired, i always had girls crushign on me, my entire life, its so weird to not have that for so long, and then in little bites of time like that day, to have it again, it feels good, it glimmers hope, hell, if th at
girl knew my name or saw my car i bet she’d go back without her man, i would never come between two people though, and i’d have to know a girl was completely single, and free of dudes, and lonely for quite a bit of time if i would ever even consider giving her a chance anyways, i don’t want someone to get together with me after dumping someone else, because thta could happen to you down the line, it would be the kind of person they are, and that’s not me at all, it felt nice though, all while i’m romanticizing a cloud on the internet that rains to a puerto rican girl who could obviously give two shits about me, i guess i kinda blew it, i go workout way too early, i never see her, but she’s probably a spoiled little rich girl because she’s off looking for dudes at other gyms n shit, expensive gyms when she has a free one she could go to and see the boy of her dreams if she wanted, which she stopped doing, i’m not the bothersome type, if someone liked me they’d tell me, they’d do what they could to talk to me and say hello and tell me i’m weird and ask me questions in my little chat pop up thing ya know, but nobody does, nobody cares, soi wanna find someone that does, p.s.(squared) dude, don’t know if its just in your nature, don’t know if its the brief description in my novel, which i wasn’t really making any fun of him, or if its all the other more suave guys, who are actually the creeps, that you get
to talk to n shit who have access to you by making fun of someone else and getting you involved in attacking the person, but… dude don’t be mean to that curly haired mustachioed guy man, like don’t you realize things hurt people’s feelings? who cares what the guy does to you, what
is he even doing anyways? looking at you? lonely guys are abundant, and the creepy ones that people pick out of the bunch, are only the guys who’re actually ‘less’ creepy than the guys who have everything going for them, you don’t realize that guys that have the gift of gab and
kmnow the right things to say are the sleaziest, wheras someone that doesn’t see eye to eye with people, or are socially awkward, or mentally defecient live in their own kind of hell, nobody says you have to be overly nice or fake, and i’m not telling you what to do, just know that
meanness is a turn off to me, why wouldn’t it be? not just because of the shit i suffer from people, but my kindness to ‘everyone’ even my couple enemies if they’d approach me in person (i.e. my ex) but don’t worry, i know we ourselves’ve had run ins before, they’re learning experiences, misunderstandings of each other’s natures or circumstances, or just flatout mistakes, i think you’re bigger than that, i don’t know what happend to you in school why you quit, if its as innocent as a boy using you and then betraying you, or if it was something more your fault, maybe you were popular? maybe you boned a few guys? i’ll never fucking know i guess, but you’re a nice person it seems for the most part, i wanna get to know more about you if you’d let me, i just know deep down you’re not a common a-hole who uses the disadvantage of others to gain your own advantage, like buddy love from nutty professor who’d go on stage and make a comedy routine based off of insulting and hurting people in the crowd’s feelings n shit, shop talk and whispers is no big deal, but it just seems like you’re about to do something to that
poor guy n shit, ‘as if he doesn’t have it bad already’, like c’mon man, and again, i don’t know if its because you’re kinda making a dialogue to me too, to talk about a ‘creep’ or maybe you were heard with other dudes speaking of a ‘creep’ and that’s what stressed you out that day,
thinking i heard you talk about it and i thought it was me or something, like before with that m.j pic you put about me, can i tell you something? i don’t think its creepy at all for weird guys to gawk at girls, especially the lonely ones, would it be annoying for one to try talking? yeah i guess, especially if they pester you, but still you could be nice, and again, you’re not seeing this objectively, which is probably the main reaosn creepy guys who like you even proceed int he first place, like, you don’t get to pick and choose ‘which’ creeps you talk to man, if a guy sees you talking to guys older than them, they don’t know if its a friend of your dads or some shit, they become deluded and think ‘hey she’s fair game if they can do it i can do it’ so just to let you know, that’s what they’re thinking and i feel sorry for them a bit, and trust me, i’m not stranger to creeps, there was this guy that was so annoying at civic center who was like 55 and kept talking to my girlfriend, he pissed me off, i never rsaid shit, but me and crissy would make fun of him all the time to ourselves (alot of good that did the whore FUCKED the guy and so many others after we broke up lol, what a piece of shit) anyways he was the nastiest scumbag in the world, he’d flirt with her, she work skimpy bikinis in the pool ANYWAYS, another indication that’s saying ‘hey i’m fair game’ well not really, but the way she wore shit yeah, and her fucking conversation piece tattoos were the kicker, and the fact that she was OVERLY nice to creeps pissed me off and gave me no reaosn to actually hate them, i hated how she behaved, girls, women, okay, a lesbian woman that wants to fuck her and hang out in bars with her who’s 50? no crissy don’t speak
to her or go to bars with her anymore, do you see what i’m getting at here? you’re doing nothing wrong i guess, but at the same time, that day you were stressed because i didn’t go online, wasn’t because i thought you were refrencing me ‘if’ you say creep as you were describing that mustache guy which you later explained online, and actually, i think i lied the next day and said i was just busy, which i was the other days, but that first day i usually just go online i wasn’t, i went home depressed, you know why? not because of ‘if’ you talked about a creep, it was because you, the girl i like so much, who has no business being around dudes, especialy older n shit, were in the middle of a gaggle of them, guys that’ve been personally mean to me in my past, or just ordinary joes
that frequent bars and fuck tons of girls, and i know its because one of them you may know through someone, but then again, probably not, you probably just met them at the fucking gym, and that’s fucking retarded, you know why its retarded? not because its unaccepted to speak to human beings, but because it ‘should’ be unaccepted to not speak to human beinngs… like me man, because i don’t have the gift of gab or bullshit talk, i went home depressed because any fucking guy going to the fucking gym with muscles has a 100 percent shot with you at the first chance in october that they can get, and i don’t know you, i don’t know what kind of perosn you really are, i just assume, and it hurts to think of you on your back with some dude n shit, hell someone your own age, but even worse of a thought some dude that woos you who’s in his 40’s n shit, it fucking depressed the fuck out of me okay, there i’m just being honest, even though sometimes i think you use whatever tool you associate with or can acquaint with, as a means to show your smile and coolness or to hear your voice, i don’t know what it is, but does it relaly fucking matter? if you go to lengths to talk some bullshit to someone, maybe even something you just said to them earlier on and are repeating, just to show off your great smile and let me hear that sexy tomboy valley girl voice of yours, still, like a smidgeon of the same effort could go into just talking to me online, and a whole hell of a lot more
of an appreciation from my side of it, then maybe i would’t get so depressed maybe, or jealous n shit, or assuming you’re someone you probably aren’t in the first place, i don’t know what to think bruh i mean think  of how many numbers you’ve given out in the years, and to older people, think of how many creeps in their 30-50’s you’ve followed n shit and chat with n shit that you don’t evne fucking know, all because they do some curls n shit, even local people, like, are you serious? i’m actually
kinda getting agitated right now and about ready to just fucking give up like i have before a million times in the past, but i dunno, i don’t think this is worth it, all the facts speak for themselves, i tried to talk friendly to you, and you cuss me out n shit, then you make fun of me cruelly n shit even though i’m there all the time and even though i’m nothing how you describe, all because i doze off sometimes, but i’m socially responsible man, i corrected myself didn’t i? who fuckin knows if you did or not, everyone could probably still be making fun of me n shit, how would i know, why would i really fucking care? the fact you don’t speak to me online is my mountain of truth, fuck, what am i doing man, why the fuck do i chase you? even when i’m not even really chasing you because i’m too fucking afraid to n shit, the arabian dude talking to me, even though
i took it in good stride, still, with all the shit in the past, i just give up man, i unbelievably have like 70 minutes left on my phone that’ll get wasted in the next 2 days, so why couldn’t you  message me online to give me your number? you know i’d call you, you know thats all i ever wanted
to do, we could just talk about nothing, it would be the start of something great, we’d be nervous for minutes but gradually you’d laugh by the moment, but you’re not real, i think i’m just a joke, and it makes no sense, i’m anything but one, i’m everyone’s entertainer, its misconstrued
awesomeness from lameness, and you know what, if it takes you to see that other people cooler and more popular than you’ve ever been maybe eyeing me and seeing i’m hot all of a sudden finally is making you change your feelings about me? well fuck that too man, seriously, fuck that, if you cou’dnt have your own fucking feelings for me, and have fought and done what YOU fucking wanted to have in your life maybe, then its not worth it, i know this reblog may’ve started out nice and came to a breakup, but fuck it, i don’t care, w’ere not in a relationship, we don’t even talk, and i had tried to stop watching you but agian had jumped back at it because i couldn’t stop thinking about you and because you’re overly smiley and vocal with me n shit each time, but fuck it, this time i’m gone again, i’m looking at the proof in the pudding and not my delusions
or emotions anymore, or the fucking games n shit, strip everytihng away and what do you have? you have her, talking to billions of dudes, snapchatting them n shit, random ass guys in other countries get your numbers n shit, and then you have me, the jerkoff who can’t get a single word from her directly, its all stealth mission cleverspeak shit that i created about 5 years ago for the interwebs, something of which i invited her into sharing with me and we’ve been doing it nonstop to each other, well at least i thought, i think she’s actually a professional bullshit artist, everything she says could pertain to every dude, and i’m not that petty of a person to fall for it, i wasn’t a petty ass perosn to believe my ex girlfriend was and remained a good person anymore either, i wasn’t a petty ass person to not see the shit she was doing and sneaking with, i’m more wise than you can imagine, and cooler too, what geek at your
school comprised of all rich elite jocks could ever rise to my level? none. and who besides your parents in your life have you ever known to have such experience in relationships besides me and my 4yrs i was in love? nobody, at least, nobody with my experience that wasn’t a complete and utter slutbag, and a lifetime of whorring condensed into experiece still didn’t outweigh my solid 4 yrs of a mostly good relationship, i’m sorry i don’t come from a world where i break up via text message, although with my friend ashley, the 6th of the 7th girls i took out on dates who’re all my friends still, the only girl i got to make out with for about a month since jail, was the only one i brokeup with civilly in a text message, the first time in my life, it was so petty, and it only happend because i guess i made it happen, not because she truly wanted it to, it was because she shared not just the same house with her ex, but the same bed n shit, like c’mon man, i just can’t believe there’s not a single thing happening, no matter how hateful you are of someone, still, i’m just not a stupid fucker, so if you want a stupid fucker as a boyfriend have fun ,because i’m not that, am i a puppy dog? yes, but when it comes to the heart i hold my ground and i’m a fighter and you my friend, who aren’t my friend, are no damned fighter, so take your pretend energies you think you had at chasing me and letting me into your life and now go channel that shit to your biceps and become champpion, because the loss of me will actually improve you by loneliness, sure you’ll find a dude’s dick to sick on and play with someday, every girl needs a dick in her life and every girl just wants to have fun and everygirl in my opinion ‘cannot’ be lonely ever in her life for a long period of time, but none of the dudes in your life are ever going to be me, and i don’t know if you’re going to try some elaborate plan to run into me or say hi or some shit in a month, something that you’ve been waiting for whatever your fucked up reasons, but just know, i’m not on the bullshit bandwagon anymore, that idea doesn’t exist, it exists because i made it exist because i was hopeful
i could get to know you, but that’s all it was, was a delusion, i’m not a bandwagoner, i live my own life an ddo what i want, and follow my heart when i need to, i just followed it wrong sometimes, with crissy, with katie, with you, i don’t even consider my 2 ex girlfriends before crissy as mistakes,or the makeout adventures with ashely a mistake, or mostly my reaosns to not pursue the girls i took chivalrously on dates, just you bastards i blame for my stupidty, stupidity of the heart man, but i’m a lot smarter than i let on, and i’m well lived and versed and wise and experienced and above anyone, there hasn’t been one normal fucking person in my life it seems, even my closest friends are kinda jerkoffs that just use me mostly when it suits them, i just need better things in life, people who wanna be around me and enjoy my company n shit, i wish i could hang out with cool people like dan borders n shit from my facebook, or my boy jay hernandez more, but i’m just too depressed in life, i need to be around a woman, i’m missing something inside me, i need that kind of nurturing and jessica, you’re not where i’m going to find it, you’ve made no attempts whatesoever, any jagoff it seems could pop into your life and hold you up as you do squats and you’d begin a
relationship asap, am i wrong aobut that? not like you ever proved it otherwise, not like you’ve ever been led by your heart to make you do foolish or clumsy or embarassing or difficult things like i had so many times, see ya around, when you say hi, no matter how you do it, i’ll do it
back obviously, but i won’t care beyond that, i’m just tired, sorry i can’t give you the atttention you need, but i need more out of a person, its like i’m talking to a wall, hummerberto and my dead cat are better company than you’ve ever been, this relationshit number 2 is going off the
books, i’m looking for someone new, and just to let you ladies know, at starbucks or wherever you are where you’re checking me out, i’m available, i’m single, nows your chance to get me, i spend the entire fucking weekend and labor day alone, last year i went to the gym on labaor day and it was closed, the only reason i even knew it was fucking labor day this year is because i  checked off 3 weeks on my calendar, glad i didn’t waste gas and more of my life, i’ve been eating an emergency stock of candy bars and peanut butter that i had stowed away in my cabinets here, i don’t even know what’s happening in the world, i’m just stuck here, alone, all fucking alone, at least before i had kidiot, even when i’m homeless i’d get to see her every week or so, now she’s gone and with a horrible reminder to crack my skull open each time i think about it, a lot of the people out here in the harbor who are so down on their luck, who walk to the liquor store daily and don’t have anything in life, still, have more than me, minuse my white ass skin that makes my life easier and is unfair in a lot of ways, still, by impoverished
means i have it worse, everyone out here has an income, an ssi, or something, all i have is stamps, i gotta work for this place half and half and off and on, everyone has families to  retreat to, obviuolsy my buddy james has it bad, he’s an older gent now having suffered a 20yr stint for murder, people like him have it worse in ways, its good he has family to retreat to, to just stop in at, all i have is 2 bosses, starbucks and not even my cat, so basically i have nothing, i don’t have anyone, i need someone, i need to hold somebody, its just not natural to not touch someone, or to have anyone, i need to talk to somebody, i need something in my life is all but not some motivational speaker or
hotline, i need something real that wants to cement itself into my life and loves me, and i don’t ever see any kind of shimmer to that, not a single one, i hate my fuckin life more and more by the day, i have no
idea how i’ve managed thus far, and with this tree hill shit back to back episodes pulling me into this world, i wanna just stay here, i wanna leap through the screen and i can’t, i have to get out of bed and face my own reality, in between epsidoes or when my body is beginning to rigor mortis from laying for so long, ii’ll jsut stair at the doorway to my room, and i’m reading the 2nd stephen king dark tower book where roland is stepping between worlds through doors, and i just think and dwell upon it, i could literally walk through a door ya know, my razor blade is still on my tub, just rusty in its evaporated puddle, i’m just waiting to have the time to get this water tank going again, don’t know if i’m just not getting gas in the lines or what, but i ponder and i think that i could be elsewhere besides here, i was so miserable before, but i had kidiot, i griped and bitches about being lonely n shit and i had her occiassionally popping up to say hi and cuddle and lick my hands, but now i wanna see her so bad its not even funny, i miss her so much, i hate convulsing with tears because of it, not just her missing from my life but the circumstances to her pains, i wanna step through this door, but on another plane so bad, i wanna see her, its just a simple step t hrough is all it’d take, one simple thing i could see her again, see my grandma, maybe even the dead ghost of who my ex used to be as a good person, maybe all 3 of them would be there again in my life when i was most happy, i still can’t believe that existed, when they were all here at the same time simultaneously in my life, its so odd, its like a fable that i read about, not something lived, you know, no matter the hope you feel in life, ya know when you’ll have 10-20 second feelings of pure bliss and happiness inside you every couple months or something, the opposite feeling of someone stepping over your grave, the time you think about things that make you happy and are possible, i guess even if i found someone in my life, what would it matter? then money would be an issue, then a form of happiness she’s looking for would be an issue if i couldn’t succeed in it, and t hen there’s other people in the world who are better and offer more, there’s heartbreak, there’s just too much stupid fucking shit to worry yourself over, its why i gotta get away, that uncle on the show one tree hill was so smart for leaving, he was in that retard lady’s life for 15 yrs, what a fucking retard, both of them though, i’m at my bosses house using the net he thinks i’m mowing this lawn, he went to meet a lady to rent the building i used to stay at, he’ll probably be getting back about now, i don’t know what i said, if i was angry and said fuck off or some shit, sorry if i did, but i am going away, because i’m nothing to you, god you looked so sexy in your pics that i just looked at, you have such a nice butt, you have ripples and grooves in your abs, that shit is crazy, but, i’m not th eperfect guy you see, its probably some beardy dude n shit, i see a lot of those now, dudes that lift with beards n shit, don’t know who made that shit popular, but i’m not in the zone i guess, i’m not current i guess, i gotta workout today after work, i feel so fat today but i gotta go,bye man, you’re a nice person, but you’re just not directly involved in my life anyway, i’m gonna start looking at other girls now

clivedavinci: in a way i’m like peyton from one tree hill, i’m an artist unsure, and you’re chad michal murray’s character, trying to blend into something that isn’t really that important, something you’re great at, only to prove it to yourself and then probably be done with it, i don’t think you’re just an athletic girl, i think yoiu’re stronger and more defined than anyone, and i know you can win in competitions, you can earn yourself
trophies that nobody else could, not even the boys, even just one would be so amazing, but if you didn’t feel like it, that too would be fine because you have the pictures to prove it, you’re fucking huge and ripped, bigger than even i was at your age and i was a supreme champion jock and i was a BOY, you’re incredible in every sense of the word, that peyton girl is always being toyed by your jocky bf when he teases her and is like ‘i just wanna quit the team, you quit cheerleading, let’s do it, lets just be together and be happy and not care what anyone thinks, lets live our lives’, whatever you want out of life, i’d do it full go with you, my biggest fear is some boy is going to beat me to the punch, talk to you and lift with you and then i’ll be obsolete, you’ll have a partner, and then you’ll take it to the next level, not even if he’s romantic, or cares, but because the physical aspects are there, the grunting, sweating and proximity and opposite sex chemistry, it’d be inevitable, you posted something about don’t worry about who wants him as long as all he cares about is you, and i assure you you’d never have to worry, i don’t have my sights just set on you, you’re the thing that’s blinding me, and i cannot even walk afterwards, i’m blind, i’d need a stick and stuttersteps to get even an inch, i need you to take me by the hand
and guide me, because you’re all i want… but what are you waiting for? every day you waste is a day we cannot get back, i ask myself why you
can be friends with older men and not me? guys FAR superiorally creepier than i’d EVER been in the prime of my creepiness and exposings of myself to like you and even contact you, like, how do they differ? they’re a billion times more lame, because someone knows someone in your family or shoots the shit with you at a job or school that makes them qualified for you to talk to them differently? and its not shyness either, like i told you all you have to do is contact me online, i won’t spout off about it, are you afraid if you contact me anonymously
with a fake page that i’d catch onto who it was and make fun of you or get agitated? that’s what i hope for everyday, but hopefully not a catfish because that’s already going on in my shitty life in the boatloads, i don’t need anymore of that shit, please just be yourself around me, please just talk to me..or don’t…if you dont’ like me..i’ll move on man, its that simple, i’m not going to fight for someone who doesn’t like me back and is just toying with me, i have real feelings and i’m sick of being on the sidelines, i wanna play, i wanna start, i wanna be your champion, i wanna SCORE BABY!!! p.s. you know who you kinda remind me of? that girl
hailey from the show, yoiu know, the only actual hot one in the entire show? just like in life too since you’re amazingly gorgeous perfection, she has a great smile like you too, and she’s a cool girl, the one he should actually be with n shit, man it kills me to think you have guy friends in your life, it really does, any boy or guy that can get close to you
kills me so hard, i love it when you’re just at home like a bum ya know, it makes me so happy,i wish one day we could be bums together, share a little sliver of some cardboard ya know like a real bum heehee, sike, i wanna be the guy to be inoculated into your life and save you from boredom and loneliness, man i hope that’s what you’re waiting for, i hope you’re waiting for the day you’re allowed and then you talk to me and ask me out or some shit, i hope its that simple, but i don’t think you like me afterall man, who knows, we’ll find out i guess, but as of now my heart is untenanted with its soul or feeling without you in my life, that hailey character (sorry i’m still on the 1st season you penis, i’m watching it because you liked it so much i need as much insight into you as i can get, and i just wanna enjoy what you enjoy) well that hailey character and the jocky dude trying to get her to tutor him, well is that where
you learned to make someone work so hard for you? you knew i’d always keep hurdling and always getting up with scratched knees huh? but that guy is using her for somethingi haven’t found out yet, its just a ploy, but still its kind of an obtuse romance, she’s so mean, like how you were with me, i hope one day you’d tutor me, the boy who doesn’t have any secret schemes, and i hope you’d teach me how to love again, i want you to be the one to teach me, and i’m sorry, i guess i do have a scheme of my own that you don’t see, i don’t really need tutored in fact, i’m actually a professor phd of love, and what you teach me i can teach back to you tenfold, you know how they do that burning boat shit, where everyone burns something to move past and grow and become better,
well i want our silence to be floated along don’t you? one of these days i wanna sit beside you on a boat along the rivers of venice, under a canopy and enjoying the day, going to a cafe after or something, let me be your real life casanova, i didn’t think the show would be that good, its
more primetime bullshit, but its actually good and reminds me a lot of smallville, another show from the wb just about superman and more intense and dramatic with just as many relationship twists too, but as i watch each 40 min episode, there’s 22 in this 1st season too, wow, anyways as i watch them i try to think about you and how you felt while watching them, see the similarities to your life, or what you see in the characters that make you like the show so much, or maybe what you can relate to or even desire in real life, what about peytons online webcam
thing? and he watches, every night he watches, and she wanted sex, and when they finally got together he put his hand on her heart and said he’s wanted her for so long, that part of her, and it shocked her, well in a way isn’t that us, its such a coincidence, maybe that’s why you
kinda like me, its all by accident that it relates to the show in this way, because i was merely led by my own heart towards you, and the online relationship we have of watching each other is so relateable with us huh? and with haley and nathan, like its flipped with us, he’s embarassed
to be seen with her n shit, where its you who’s embarassed to be seen with me, and after their date and denying to his friends they were even on a date when they passed by them, he told her he was sorry and often makes a lot of mistakes and then just kissed her, that’s good romance,
but at the same time, if that’s what you wanted, that’s silly mtv shit to what we could have if you just talked to me, don’t you want real love someday possibly? don’t you wanna leap up into the arms of the guy who dared a kiss to you and then you realize how great it was and smothered him with your kiss? i wanna be smothered by you so bad, but this is torture, the silence, the games, not the waiting,but the uncertainty, and reminders of the past especially, i feel like a dunce, a foolish dunce duped by you, seeing that girl haley really depresses me, she’s so fucking gorgeous she reminds me of you so much, she’s a good girl, a girl who only wants love and to be nurturing, she wants to just spend time and kiss and cuddle her boyfriend and be there for him when he’s
down, it just sucks, i don’t even have anyone to talk to, i’ll never have girls popping in and out of my life like they all do, a girl just seeing what you’re up to n shit, actually, i’ve never had that and it sucks, there was this really hot young girl at starbucks the other day, the couple talking about sports n shit, i glanced her when i first sat down because they were
by my usual sofas, and i don’t know if she was amazed that i’m a writer who just constantly pecks with his fingers, lost in my own world, a guy who’s all alone, having the only conversations in his life with the people online, who aren’t even there, or what, but she couldn’t keep her
eyes off me, i finally began showering again after the gym and i just hit chest and they were talking about a fantasy team and th eplayers and it was basically like i was an nfl player sitting acdross them n shit, this big strong guy, but smart too, with silly shoelaces and short shorts who smelled good, she kept giving off that she worked at once upon a child
in conversation, maybe so that i could find her or something, i really didn’t get a good look at her face, i was too scared too, not because i was shy or felt creepy to take a second long look but because i didn’t wanna make the guy she was with feeling as if i looked, i felt bad
for him, they were in college probably and had been together and here i come, such a macho guy, and smart too, to the point the girl took so many damned glances it ‘should’ve’ been unnerving and creepy, but isn’t it funny how we like to only deem unattractive people that do that as ‘creeps’, nice society i guess, people can’t help who they’re attracted to, she rubbed his leg a few times acting the part but it was because of the obviousness of attractedness, and how many times he’d catch her looking, but amazingly he didn’t show such jealosy, maybe he was gay, maybe it was her brother, who knows, she began slumping over in
her seat feignging fatigue, she was such a girly girl, and in a frilly yellow dress, she had dark features was all i could gather from the milisecond glance i took as i sat down, it could’ve been that katie girl i liked for so many years and never actually met for all i know, na it wasn’t, all i know was i must’ve been on top of my game, maybe i was pretty that day, maybe i looked strong, i mean you can’t help running into attractive people in the world now could you? and if you’re meeting with your girl to talk b.s fantasy sports in a cafe i guess you’re asking for it, but, i’m so used to be desired by girls, all my life i’ve been the strong silent type
or the comedian amongst friends and so many girls, new faces and stuff, i’d kiss girls here and there but i was always shy and too mature, but i was ALWAYS desired, i always had girls crushign on me, my entire life, its so weird to not have that for so long, and then in little bites of time like that day, to have it again, it feels good, it glimmers hope, hell, if th at
girl knew my name or saw my car i bet she’d go back without her man, i would never come between two people though, and i’d have to know a girl was completely single, and free of dudes, and lonely for quite a bit of time if i would ever even consider giving her a chance anyways, i don’t want someone to get together with me after dumping someone else, because thta could happen to you down the line, it would be the kind of person they are, and that’s not me at all, it felt nice though, all while i’m romanticizing a cloud on the internet that rains to a puerto rican girl who could obviously give two shits about me, i guess i kinda blew it, i go workout way too early, i never see her, but she’s probably a spoiled little rich girl because she’s off looking for dudes at other gyms n shit, expensive gyms when she has a free one she could go to and see the boy of her dreams if she wanted, which she stopped doing, i’m not the bothersome type, if someone liked me they’d tell me, they’d do what they could to talk to me and say hello and tell me i’m weird and ask me questions in my little chat pop up thing ya know, but nobody does, nobody cares, soi wanna find someone that does, p.s.(squared) dude, don’t know if its just in your nature, don’t know if its the brief description in my novel, which i wasn’t really making any fun of him, or if its all the other more suave guys, who are actually the creeps, that you get
to talk to n shit who have access to you by making fun of someone else and getting you involved in attacking the person, but… dude don’t be mean to that curly haired mustachioed guy man, like don’t you realize things hurt people’s feelings? who cares what the guy does to you, what
is he even doing anyways? looking at you? lonely guys are abundant, and the creepy ones that people pick out of the bunch, are only the guys who’re actually ‘less’ creepy than the guys who have everything going for them, you don’t realize that guys that have the gift of gab and
kmnow the right things to say are the sleaziest, wheras someone that doesn’t see eye to eye with people, or are socially awkward, or mentally defecient live in their own kind of hell, nobody says you have to be overly nice or fake, and i’m not telling you what to do, just know that
meanness is a turn off to me, why wouldn’t it be? not just because of the shit i suffer from people, but my kindness to ‘everyone’ even my couple enemies if they’d approach me in person (i.e. my ex) but don’t worry, i know we ourselves’ve had run ins before, they’re learning experiences, misunderstandings of each other’s natures or circumstances, or just flatout mistakes, i think you’re bigger than that, i don’t know what happend to you in school why you quit, if its as innocent as a boy using you and then betraying you, or if it was something more your fault, maybe you were popular? maybe you boned a few guys? i’ll never fucking know i guess, but you’re a nice person it seems for the most part, i wanna get to know more about you if you’d let me, i just know deep down you’re not a common a-hole who uses the disadvantage of others to gain your own advantage, like buddy love from nutty professor who’d go on stage and make a comedy routine based off of insulting and hurting people in the crowd’s feelings n shit, shop talk and whispers is no big deal, but it just seems like you’re about to do something to that
poor guy n shit, ‘as if he doesn’t have it bad already’, like c’mon man, and again, i don’t know if its because you’re kinda making a dialogue to me too, to talk about a ‘creep’ or maybe you were heard with other dudes speaking of a ‘creep’ and that’s what stressed you out that day,
thinking i heard you talk about it and i thought it was me or something, like before with that m.j pic you put about me, can i tell you something? i don’t think its creepy at all for weird guys to gawk at girls, especially the lonely ones, would it be annoying for one to try talking? yeah i guess, especially if they pester you, but still you could be nice, and again, you’re not seeing this objectively, which is probably the main reaosn creepy guys who like you even proceed int he first place, like, you don’t get to pick and choose ‘which’ creeps you talk to man, if a guy sees you talking to guys older than them, they don’t know if its a friend of your dads or some shit, they become deluded and think ‘hey she’s fair game if they can do it i can do it’ so just to let you know, that’s what they’re thinking and i feel sorry for them a bit, and trust me, i’m not stranger to creeps, there was this guy that was so annoying at civic center who was like 55 and kept talking to my girlfriend, he pissed me off, i never rsaid shit, but me and crissy would make fun of him all the time to ourselves (alot of good that did the whore FUCKED the guy and so many others after we broke up lol, what a piece of shit) anyways he was the nastiest scumbag in the world, he’d flirt with her, she work skimpy bikinis in the pool ANYWAYS, another indication that’s saying ‘hey i’m fair game’ well not really, but the way she wore shit yeah, and her fucking conversation piece tattoos were the kicker, and the fact that she was OVERLY nice to creeps pissed me off and gave me no reaosn to actually hate them, i hated how she behaved, girls, women, okay, a lesbian woman that wants to fuck her and hang out in bars with her who’s 50? no crissy don’t speak
to her or go to bars with her anymore, do you see what i’m getting at here? you’re doing nothing wrong i guess, but at the same time, that day you were stressed because i didn’t go online, wasn’t because i thought you were refrencing me ‘if’ you say creep as you were describing that mustache guy which you later explained online, and actually, i think i lied the next day and said i was just busy, which i was the other days, but that first day i usually just go online i wasn’t, i went home depressed, you know why? not because of ‘if’ you talked about a creep, it was because you, the girl i like so much, who has no business being around dudes, especialy older n shit, were in the middle of a gaggle of them, guys that’ve been personally mean to me in my past, or just ordinary joes
that frequent bars and fuck tons of girls, and i know its because one of them you may know through someone, but then again, probably not, you probably just met them at the fucking gym, and that’s fucking retarded, you know why its retarded? not because its unaccepted to speak to human beings, but because it ‘should’ be unaccepted to not speak to human beinngs… like me man, because i don’t have the gift of gab or bullshit talk, i went home depressed because any fucking guy going to the fucking gym with muscles has a 100 percent shot with you at the first chance in october that they can get, and i don’t know you, i don’t know what kind of perosn you really are, i just assume, and it hurts to think of you on your back with some dude n shit, hell someone your own age, but even worse of a thought some dude that woos you who’s in his 40’s n shit, it fucking depressed the fuck out of me okay, there i’m just being honest, even though sometimes i think you use whatever tool you associate with or can acquaint with, as a means to show your smile and coolness or to hear your voice, i don’t know what it is, but does it relaly fucking matter? if you go to lengths to talk some bullshit to someone, maybe even something you just said to them earlier on and are repeating, just to show off your great smile and let me hear that sexy tomboy valley girl voice of yours, still, like a smidgeon of the same effort could go into just talking to me online, and a whole hell of a lot more
of an appreciation from my side of it, then maybe i would’t get so depressed maybe, or jealous n shit, or assuming you’re someone you probably aren’t in the first place, i don’t know what to think bruh i mean think of how many numbers you’ve given out in the years, and to older people, think of how many creeps in their 30-50’s you’ve followed n shit and chat with n shit that you don’t evne fucking know, all because they do some curls n shit, even local people, like, are you serious? i’m actually
kinda getting agitated right now and about ready to just fucking give up like i have before a million times in the past, but i dunno, i don’t think this is worth it, all the facts speak for themselves, i tried to talk friendly to you, and you cuss me out n shit, then you make fun of me cruelly n shit even though i’m there all the time and even though i’m nothing how you describe, all because i doze off sometimes, but i’m socially responsible man, i corrected myself didn’t i? who fuckin knows if you did or not, everyone could probably still be making fun of me n shit, how would i know, why would i really fucking care? the fact you don’t speak to me online is my mountain of truth, fuck, what am i doing man, why the fuck do i chase you? even when i’m not even really chasing you because i’m too fucking afraid to n shit, the arabian dude talking to me, even though
i took it in good stride, still, with all the shit in the past, i just give up man, i unbelievably have like 70 minutes left on my phone that’ll get wasted in the next 2 days, so why couldn’t you message me online to give me your number? you know i’d call you, you know thats all i ever wanted
to do, we could just talk about nothing, it would be the start of something great, we’d be nervous for minutes but gradually you’d laugh by the moment, but you’re not real, i think i’m just a joke, and it makes no sense, i’m anything but one, i’m everyone’s entertainer, its misconstrued
awesomeness from lameness, and you know what, if it takes you to see that other people cooler and more popular than you’ve ever been maybe eyeing me and seeing i’m hot all of a sudden finally is making you change your feelings about me? well fuck that too man, seriously, fuck that, if you cou’dnt have your own fucking feelings for me, and have fought and done what YOU fucking wanted to have in your life maybe, then its not worth it, i know this reblog may’ve started out nice and came to a breakup, but fuck it, i don’t care, w’ere not in a relationship, we don’t even talk, and i had tried to stop watching you but agian had jumped back at it because i couldn’t stop thinking about you and because you’re overly smiley and vocal with me n shit each time, but fuck it, this time i’m gone again, i’m looking at the proof in the pudding and not my delusions
or emotions anymore, or the fucking games n shit, strip everytihng away and what do you have? you have her, talking to billions of dudes, snapchatting them n shit, random ass guys in other countries get your numbers n shit, and then you have me, the jerkoff who can’t get a single word from her directly, its all stealth mission cleverspeak shit that i created about 5 years ago for the interwebs, something of which i invited her into sharing with me and we’ve been doing it nonstop to each other, well at least i thought, i think she’s actually a professional bullshit artist, everything she says could pertain to every dude, and i’m not that petty of a person to fall for it, i wasn’t a petty ass perosn to believe my ex girlfriend was and remained a good person anymore either, i wasn’t a petty ass person to not see the shit she was doing and sneaking with, i’m more wise than you can imagine, and cooler too, what geek at your
school comprised of all rich elite jocks could ever rise to my level? none. and who besides your parents in your life have you ever known to have such experience in relationships besides me and my 4yrs i was in love? nobody, at least, nobody with my experience that wasn’t a complete and utter slutbag, and a lifetime of whorring condensed into experiece still didn’t outweigh my solid 4 yrs of a mostly good relationship, i’m sorry i don’t come from a world where i break up via text message, although with my friend ashley, the 6th of the 7th girls i took out on dates who’re all my friends still, the only girl i got to make out with for about a month since jail, was the only one i brokeup with civilly in a text message, the first time in my life, it was so petty, and it only happend because i guess i made it happen, not because she truly wanted it to, it was because she shared not just the same house with her ex, but the same bed n shit, like c’mon man, i just can’t believe there’s not a single thing happening, no matter how hateful you are of someone, still, i’m just not a stupid fucker, so if you want a stupid fucker as a boyfriend have fun ,because i’m not that, am i a puppy dog? yes, but when it comes to the heart i hold my ground and i’m a fighter and you my friend, who aren’t my friend, are no damned fighter, so take your pretend energies you think you had at chasing me and letting me into your life and now go channel that shit to your biceps and become champpion, because the loss of me will actually improve you by loneliness, sure you’ll find a dude’s dick to sick on and play with someday, every girl needs a dick in her life and every girl just wants to have fun and everygirl in my opinion ‘cannot’ be lonely ever in her life for a long period of time, but none of the dudes in your life are ever going to be me, and i don’t know if you’re going to try some elaborate plan to run into me or say hi or some shit in a month, something that you’ve been waiting for whatever your fucked up reasons, but just know, i’m not on the bullshit bandwagon anymore, that idea doesn’t exist, it exists because i made it exist because i was hopeful
i could get to know you, but that’s all it was, was a delusion, i’m not a bandwagoner, i live my own life an ddo what i want, and follow my heart when i need to, i just followed it wrong sometimes, with crissy, with katie, with you, i don’t even consider my 2 ex girlfriends before crissy as mistakes,or the makeout adventures with ashely a mistake, or mostly my reaosns to not pursue the girls i took chivalrously on dates, just you bastards i blame for my stupidty, stupidity of the heart man, but i’m a lot smarter than i let on, and i’m well lived and versed and wise and experienced and above anyone, there hasn’t been one normal fucking person in my life it seems, even my closest friends are kinda jerkoffs that just use me mostly when it suits them, i just need better things in life, people who wanna be around me and enjoy my company n shit, i wish i could hang out with cool people like dan borders n shit from my facebook, or my boy jay hernandez more, but i’m just too depressed in life, i need to be around a woman, i’m missing something inside me, i need that kind of nurturing and jessica, you’re not where i’m going to find it, you’ve made no attempts whatesoever, any jagoff it seems could pop into your life and hold you up as you do squats and you’d begin a
relationship asap, am i wrong aobut that? not like you ever proved it otherwise, not like you’ve ever been led by your heart to make you do foolish or clumsy or embarassing or difficult things like i had so many times, see ya around, when you say hi, no matter how you do it, i’ll do it
back obviously, but i won’t care beyond that, i’m just tired, sorry i can’t give you the atttention you need, but i need more out of a person, its like i’m talking to a wall, hummerberto and my dead cat are better company than you’ve ever been, this relationshit number 2 is going off the
books, i’m looking for someone new, and just to let you ladies know, at starbucks or wherever you are where you’re checking me out, i’m available, i’m single, nows your chance to get me, i spend the entire fucking weekend and labor day alone, last year i went to the gym on labaor day and it was closed, the only reason i even knew it was fucking labor day this year is because i checked off 3 weeks on my calendar, glad i didn’t waste gas and more of my life, i’ve been eating an emergency stock of candy bars and peanut butter that i had stowed away in my cabinets here, i don’t even know what’s happening in the world, i’m just stuck here, alone, all fucking alone, at least before i had kidiot, even when i’m homeless i’d get to see her every week or so, now she’s gone and with a horrible reminder to crack my skull open each time i think about it, a lot of the people out here in the harbor who are so down on their luck, who walk to the liquor store daily and don’t have anything in life, still, have more than me, minuse my white ass skin that makes my life easier and is unfair in a lot of ways, still, by impoverished
means i have it worse, everyone out here has an income, an ssi, or something, all i have is stamps, i gotta work for this place half and half and off and on, everyone has families to retreat to, obviuolsy my buddy james has it bad, he’s an older gent now having suffered a 20yr stint for murder, people like him have it worse in ways, its good he has family to retreat to, to just stop in at, all i have is 2 bosses, starbucks and not even my cat, so basically i have nothing, i don’t have anyone, i need someone, i need to hold somebody, its just not natural to not touch someone, or to have anyone, i need to talk to somebody, i need something in my life is all but not some motivational speaker or
hotline, i need something real that wants to cement itself into my life and loves me, and i don’t ever see any kind of shimmer to that, not a single one, i hate my fuckin life more and more by the day, i have no
idea how i’ve managed thus far, and with this tree hill shit back to back episodes pulling me into this world, i wanna just stay here, i wanna leap through the screen and i can’t, i have to get out of bed and face my own reality, in between epsidoes or when my body is beginning to rigor mortis from laying for so long, ii’ll jsut stair at the doorway to my room, and i’m reading the 2nd stephen king dark tower book where roland is stepping between worlds through doors, and i just think and dwell upon it, i could literally walk through a door ya know, my razor blade is still on my tub, just rusty in its evaporated puddle, i’m just waiting to have the time to get this water tank going again, don’t know if i’m just not getting gas in the lines or what, but i ponder and i think that i could be elsewhere besides here, i was so miserable before, but i had kidiot, i griped and bitches about being lonely n shit and i had her occiassionally popping up to say hi and cuddle and lick my hands, but now i wanna see her so bad its not even funny, i miss her so much, i hate convulsing with tears because of it, not just her missing from my life but the circumstances to her pains, i wanna step through this door, but on another plane so bad, i wanna see her, its just a simple step t hrough is all it’d take, one simple thing i could see her again, see my grandma, maybe even the dead ghost of who my ex used to be as a good person, maybe all 3 of them would be there again in my life when i was most happy, i still can’t believe that existed, when they were all here at the same time simultaneously in my life, its so odd, its like a fable that i read about, not something lived, you know, no matter the hope you feel in life, ya know when you’ll have 10-20 second feelings of pure bliss and happiness inside you every couple months or something, the opposite feeling of someone stepping over your grave, the time you think about things that make you happy and are possible, i guess even if i found someone in my life, what would it matter? then money would be an issue, then a form of happiness she’s looking for would be an issue if i couldn’t succeed in it, and t hen there’s other people in the world who are better and offer more, there’s heartbreak, there’s just too much stupid fucking shit to worry yourself over, its why i gotta get away, that uncle on the show one tree hill was so smart for leaving, he was in that retard lady’s life for 15 yrs, what a fucking retard, both of them though, i’m at my bosses house using the net he thinks i’m mowing this lawn, he went to meet a lady to rent the building i used to stay at, he’ll probably be getting back about now, i don’t know what i said, if i was angry and said fuck off or some shit, sorry if i did, but i am going away, because i’m nothing to you, god you looked so sexy in your pics that i just looked at, you have such a nice butt, you have ripples and grooves in your abs, that shit is crazy, but, i’m not th eperfect guy you see, its probably some beardy dude n shit, i see a lot of those now, dudes that lift with beards n shit, don’t know who made that shit popular, but i’m not in the zone i guess, i’m not current i guess, i gotta workout today after work, i feel so fat today but i gotta go,bye man, you’re a nice person, but you’re just not directly involved in my life anyway, i’m gonna start looking at other girls now

bunnyfood:

(via fireroach:thenamesjoe)

clivedavinci: i’m sure they have a pet komodo dragon n shit that doesn’t try to devour your entire limb at once, that’s fucking amazing, i’m sure he’s headbopping to some jams too, i’m gonna leave man, i have this couple right by me who’s talking sports statistics n shit, they’re so gay, i get enough of that shit when i’m around carlos, doesn’t anyone play dungeons and dragons or cool shit like that anymore? i’m gonna leave man, back to the harbor, i might walk to the library tomorrow and go online i guess to see if someone wants to do something, i kinda don’t give a fuck though, and i kinda don’t give a fuck about you either, in your case, silence isn’t golden man, its depressing, you have all kinds of tools wheedling you to date and examining your pussy muscles n shit, yet i’m here like a jackoff and i can’t even talk to you n shit, whatevs bruh, i’m sure you say shit like you’re worried about what girls like me, like why woul dyou care? why dn’t you just talk to me man? its that simple, i’m alone until october, and then that’s it, i’m giving someone else a chance, and you know what, i should be giving someone a chance now man, after all this shit man, are you serious? all the waiting, all the jerking off you’re doing to me? why don’t you care about me? why aren’t you here?

clivedavinci: don’t you wanna feel nice and squishy in our little comfie zone, don’t you wanna come home from your gruelling lift and just relax those buns toots? don’t you wanna be wrapped up in the vines of my limbs? in the large boughs of my arms? the ones that if you’re falling from whatever height, will immediately be there for you to grab onto, i kinda have twigs for arms, but that doesn’t mean anything, there’s strength in them and they’re there to envelop you no matter what, like a lassoing of an anaconda, not too tight either, just enough squeeze that i hold my baby comfy and cozy and safe, my arms will be the compression that nearly pops you, but doesn’t crush you, that’s been done already, look how long i crushed in fact, that’s enough of that shit already don’t you think? when is the next leap bud? when are you gonna try, i’m at starbucks but this pc is dying, i forgot my cord i can’t stay here all night, everyone is fukcing gay too, my buddies went out monday through thursday literally every day doing bottle parties in chicago n shit and they don’t go on the weekend when i’m now ready? like don’t normal people go out on weekends n shit? man fuck those twats, i just wanna girlfriend i can hold not just on weekends but all the time, what about that sofa of yours? how is it? worn? lonesome without your warmth? man i’m so jealous of your couch is not even funny, it needs to have durable springs, glazed doubly thick to withstand our weight huh, we have loads of muscle, well me, i have too much fat too, but hey who’s weighing right? you’ll need some extra galvanized sturdy coils in it, the skeleton of your couch needs to have an incredible weight load to bounce us back up when we sink,would i ever be allowed there someday? if you tell your p’s how much you like some guy maybe? but the kicker is that he was one of the guys you thought was a creep and he’s much older, would it even matter? think of the sleazy boys your own age you had over boiling you foods and acting the part, had i ever done that? were my intentions every just sexual or anything but thoughtful? to ever use you? in all the bullshit ways those dudes were there for you, but great pretenders, but in all the ways that truly matter i was there huh? i was like a glimmering star in the sky after a heartbreak, and you sit on your porch at night lonely looking up at it and it twinkles just for you, when nobody was around, and nobody understood, well that star winked night after night, you felt comfort in it, and day after day it begged to become human, to be able to sit next to you on that porch down there so far away and put a point of my starry starfish arm around you, and tell you you’re not alone and that someone really cares who actually deserves you and you..them

clivedavinci: hi baby, its time for me to eat this pie, no not your pie silly, that’s dessert that i can’t have yet, if we become a cute little item are you gonna eventually dress up sexy and stuff? you’ll feel really girly, you’ll always wanna be sexy, and you always will be, you don’t need to go to victoria’s secret, you can wear moth bitten, holed up granny panties and i would think you’re so sexy man, piercings, tattoos? dude don’t get that shit man, that shit is fucking gay, you don’t need that shit, you’re so unique already, do you know that they teach cops in school that if someone has a tattoo they’re not ‘all there’ mentally, you can kinda see it, but sometimes i guess normal people get some too and aren’t as retarded even though i still think they are, if my skin was as perfect as yours i’d never let any scummy fuck put his hands or needles on it, let me put kisses to your skin? all over, i’ll give you countless invisible saliva tattoos, all kinds of plump puckers translucent to your skin, and they’d be the best tatoos too, they’d be modern ones because they still tingle after they’ve been pressed in, all parts of your body would natrually twitch just anticipating my touch… man this pie just came out of the oven and its hot as fuck man, were you worried my lil baby? don’t be, i’ve been so busy, unlike all the boys/men that like you who are getting busy with other girls, and they lie to your face and tell you bby this and that, its all bullshit, how come you don’t text me though? how come you never asked for my number? i’m gonna swig 2 big glasses of milke, all this fucker has is vitamin d in the fridge, then i’m gonna go to my little home and think about you some more, maybe watch a movie or tv show, the porn isn’t gonna be used tonight, i’m not horny, i’m just in love remember, with someone out there heehee, go to bed sleepybutts, its lates o’clock suhnnnnn, i hope you become my girlfriend, you’re a sweet girl, you’re a good girl, you’re strong and you’re cool and sexy, you’re sugarytits babe, i can’t wait to suck on your nipples and get them hard for you heehee, man that would be such a day, where my giirlfriend, the girl i’ve been making out with month after month finally undresses and can’t keep herself from having me anymore, and then i’d take you in my mouth, i’d make you feel so good, i’d let you have a glimpse of what’s in store of ‘this’ fuckin boyfriend buddy, this boy who’s had the hots for you since time began suhn, the boy who never let up or swayed, only knelt and slouched sad, i’m the sweet boy you want, i’m the man you want, i’m the comedic idiot and entertainer you want, i’m the pillowtalker you want, i’m the best fuck you want, i’m the most intimate lover you’ll ever have because my heart only reflects in my muslces and hold what it already does in its parystalctic gulps, i have a car, i have a phone, i have dinero, i have a chubby big butt and big titties just like you heehee, i have my own apartamente, you can sneak away and spend the time foreva yo, to get away from the madness in life, come to my retreat and cook your fancy waffles in the kitchen if you please, as long as we stay inside we won’t get murdered, lol sike, that area isn’t that bad man, its all the drugs and gangs n shit that kill each other n shit, we’d be safe, my place is huge bae, just like my penis bae, be my bae-bae, okae-okay? (get it that was a fault in our stars joke..kinda) alright i’m heading out after my pie my puddin pie see ya

(via trashfaiiry)

bunnyfood:

(via togifs:video)

clivedavinci: if you stay huh? what the fuck is that movie about anyways? i’m trying to displace my drive by uploading these few short films while dl’in some porn n shit, carlos and rosie aren’t online anymore, t hey’re so gay, i do n’t know why, they have some reason or some shit, god carlos is cool n all and my best friend but he lives like a fuckin yuppy fag man, i’ll probably go out with my buddy miguel and carlos this weekend, i could’ve went out twice through the week, and i’m sure miguel would get me drinks, and it wasn’t that i didn’t lift hard but because i’ve been working hard all week and i collapse when i get home, some dude walked up to me and borrowed a dollar n shit today when i came out of my place, carlos gave me his curtains because they’re ripped, i’m gonna sew them up, its just one rip man, and they probably cost hundreds, its how he pays me n shit hwen i do shit for him, even though he don’t have to, except for these last few months i don’t wanna go all the way to portage and he gives me a little for gas n shit, he gave me this awesome sofa couch i squeezd in my car, its never even been used, he’s so gay, and he’s gonna give me his old laptop, which is better than this one, after i go do more shit sometime next week, i’m still at my boss/uncle’s house, i showered, did my laundry, got the net working, and am baking a triple berry pie from aldi’s fuck it, yolo, i wanna take my baby out one day and get some pie at some fancy cafe or something, why don’t you bop to me you little joey? do i make you winsome at all? do you even anticipate our date? or our dates? or maybe just finally being rid of me huh? am i a nuissance? i bet your heart doesn’t think i’m such a bother, i’m pudgy and cuddly like pooh, he always says ‘oh bother’, you bother me ya know, all day i think about you, all day at work, all day when i try to go to sleep at night, even when i’m watching movies i’ll have to backtrack the movie like 10 minutes n shit because i lost my train of thought and i daydream thinking about you n shit, isn’t that silly?

kimitonolife:

Koizumi Hanayo

clivedavinci: hold on you little penis i’m gonna go check my facebook and try and dl some porn, i’m alone remember? i’m a lonely guy with no girl to touch, i touch myself, i’m sorry, but i’m not doing it with another girl, i’m waiting for you, after many dates we might go on okay? if you want to, if you’re up to it, if you can’t control yourself and keep your grubby mitts off me.. i’m gonna hit chest tomorrow, whenever i get up i guess, 2-3ish?? depending if the dudes up on the roof need my expertise, my other boss has a bunch of guys up there, i could’ve made some money but i told my boy james to go ahead and hire a small crew since i have another job right now, my people’s need fed ya know, i was late to my uncles job today digging trenches n shit because my boss johnnyg showed up with burritos for me n shit, and the other guys, we went upstairs on a balcony of my building but they couldn’t get down to get their brown styrofoam of drinks, so i put it all in a bucket improvising with my backback and pc on my back, tied it with some vines n shit and threw it up and james pulled the shit up, it was mcguyver shit, and that’s how i’d save you baby, if you were falling over a cliff i’d do something to save you, like now, if you feel you’re falling over a cliff, an abyss of sadness, i assure you i’d lift you up by my hand and hold you so tight and safe, don’t know why we can’t go see movies n shit man, i told you we won’t kiss, don’t see why not afterall, to be friends, whateva, just ate strokmeoff (stroganoff, with steak, hope i don’t look all fat manana, the kind of porn i wanna get is new japanese shit, its always so fuckin creepy too lol, i’ll watch the craziest porno n shit, but its weird because i’m the most faithful loving romantic n shit, weird, i guess i d on’t have these ‘fantasies’ fullfilled in life like ordinary people n shit, i would’nt actually have threesomes n shit ya know, i believe in love, and because i’m so weird, you know that i’m not ‘actually’weird compared to the most normal guys who obviously are hiding shit, and will lie and break your heart n shit

clivedavinci: i hate so much, the days you make me feel like this, its like your beauty is melting down all over me from the heavens, i just wonder if i’m going to have my longest bout of sadness in a month or so, when you give up on me and i realize you never cared and it was all a game

(via popsiclestickjoke)

clivedavinci: my heart hasn’t moved from this pensive slouch since i’ve seen you

clivedavinci: my heart hasn’t moved from this pensive slouch since i’ve seen you

clivedavinci: just being honest here..but i’m all alone. i’m a guy who can mean so much to someone, if they only looked, or realized, tried or cared. i’m trisected in thought as of now, the first part of me listens to my friends, because all i do is talk about her, they tell me to shut the fuck up because they’re sick of hearing about her already, moreso than when i was heartbroken many years ago by my ex and if i even said the name crissy they’d punch me really hard on the arm, i cannot believe i made it through those times, and alone, all alone, without the touch of a woman, without a friendship, my friends tell me there’s so much pussy out there and for me to go get me some, and its true, there’s so many hot girls that actually like me, or if i turn up my formulaic game of what girls want, by decieving them, then i can get anyone i want, but i wanted to be honest, i wanna be a good honest person in this world and i’m listening to my heart, i just want love, because that is always good and honest, you cannot overthink it, or overdo it, you just have to let it come, it comes in pairs, the shoulder you lean on (which i don’t have and cannot give) the ear and mouth that can talk and listen (which again i don’t have or cannot give) or the proximity to satiate ones eyes, in the desire to conceive thaumatugic melancholy (something i guess i ‘kinda’ have with her), my blinded mind is told to me by my friends who say i don’t know what way she speaks about me, it could be that i’m just a creepy guy, just another guy to her where there is no underlying sweetness seen, or complexities of my making, which could be a strict identification of an ideal mate in her eyes, the eyes of my beholder, there’s probably nothing there and its all in my head, just all delusions that i see, that my heart i guess, is projecting for me, pumping out my ventricles, sweated through and leaving up out of my pores and literally blinding me, all because the heart wants what it wants, the 2nd part of my ‘riddled with her’ mind says fuck her, says that if she wanted me i shouldn’t just be listening to the input of friends (even if they know nothing about her, or our situation) but i should be listening to my own experiences, i should listen to just how i check my inbox and she’s never there, never spoken, not even softly spoken, just that fact alone, even though i create a fiction where i make excuses for her, that its the age difference or something, i’m still just flying blind, almost like a kamikazee, all this time i’ve been divebombing in that manner, with no helmet, just jumping off a cliff in love into a crystal blue ocean that isn’t even down there, its just been a mirage, the 3rd part of my befuddled mind is that i fucking care, like so much, its not obsession, its not a hope and dream that i can live life a certain way and have it fullfilled, there’s an age difference that will matter no matter if two people fall in love or not, and its not because it wouldn’t work on my end, its from all the desired temptations on her end, year by year, young cute boys, colleges of cute boys, sexy boys, shirtless boys, fitness couples that are looked up to,which may not be us in time, depending on her or my mood since life changes, just in my experience i’d work a job then just give up and not do it anymore and wanna sleep all the time, or when i found love with crissy all i wanted to do is spend time with her and vice versa, i know love takes hold w hen its constant, i know that for sure, i’m not trying to discourage a relationship by any means, partly because i cannot, its a failsafe unlike anything you’ve ever imagined, i’m just saying that, if she has a sister or brother or friend younger than her, t hen all those cute boys will come into her life at a time she has a much older boyfriend/husband, i know how the world is, i know how people are, its just life, i understand, i guess at the same time i’ve just been broken up by someone i loved for so long all those years ago, i was a faithful guy in a relationshit trying to do it all by myself, when i had been alone and didn’t know it, i guess it’ll never change inside me, i’m a good choice, i’m a keeper, i don’t know how to tell you, i can’t even tell you if i could, in a month when it’d matter would it anyways? is that the time where the silence will be broken, was all this time and suffering without you the prerequisites of our making? can there be any togetherness, the kind that’s in my mind? since the silence is here and i don’t see it ever dissolving, and i don’t see us being workbuddies built up month after month where we know each other and then take it to another level, i guess it only leaves room for an immediate romance, one saved up and strived for that combats even shakespearan romances, but still, it would be a getting-to-liking off the start, which again is fine, since i’m pretty funny and have taken 7 girls on dates since jail and had a great time with all of them, all strangers, but we’d known each other online first, does that matter? or is it the same as them? since we still talk but secretly and carefully, on your end so you don’t be seen with such a weird old guy, and on my end so i don’t get yelled at for fighting for you and “making you my wife anyway..cause you’re so rude”, i’m just curious if you see me as the boy of your dreams who fought for you and never gave up and its honest and real and ALL YOURS, i hope i’m the boy you wanna give pecks and bites to when i’m driving, tooling you around wherever you wanna go, being your chaffeur… (intermission: are you like reblogging shit about respect and love being a game, because you think i reblogged a pudgy pidgeon and was refrencing you? huh you little beauty? look at you, are you insane? you’re perfect, plump with muscles, lean with mean, i actually wanna see you with a little potbelly when you’re bloated after a buffet man, so i can hold you in bed and just keep my palm on it and caress it, you’re int he best shape, but again that’s not why i liked you at first remember? w hen those highschoolers probably did somethign mean to you with their superficialities i was there admiring something beautiful that they foolishly passed up and maybe made fun of, god you’re perfect, and i just got online, just got home and went to coinfarts or some sh it and saw a funny pic, it is a fat little fuck isn’t it? and you? you’ sexy little fuck you, please let me kiss you…on your vagina okay? but your lips too okay honey?) fuck dude i wanted to say some romantic shit but you jumbled me up and i lost my train of thought just like how i wanna loose my butthole virginity to you someday when you turn creepy and horny since i have such a great ass, well baby, if you have butthole virginity don’t worry, andyp will be there for you on the first time we mate trust me, sike, eventually whatever you wanna do toots, all i really care about is kissing and holding you and watching one romantic movie after the next, i guarantee though, they’ll dwindle, you won’t ‘need’ romance movies as much as you did when you were alone, i rarely ever watched them when i was with my ex, we watched a lot of action and horror movies and comedies, romances are for when you’re lonely, and i swear i’ll deprive you from ‘needing’ to watch any, okay? i promise

bunnyfood:

(via togifs:video)

clivedavinci: i’ve been digging nonstop, trenches, rerouting pvc and corrugated pipe under the ground for foundations, erecting lolicollumn after lolicollumn, tuckpointing, i’ve been working hard to save a little money, ‘date money’, because i could begin something great soon, or maybe not, then at least in my depressing fall i could eat chipotle week after week, and resume my lonely life, and just strive to make it better without anyone, i dunno, we’ll see i guess, i know what i want, we’ll see if another head hangs lonely, we’ll see i guess what that heart’s always truly wanted, maybe she’ll show her true colors and i’ll leave, then i’ll go away towards another, or without her even in my mind, maybe she’d try then? would i even care? why give yourself stages andy? do you honestly wanna give out yet another time frame to bullshit herself at keeping you on a string? this is it, you’ll know or not andy, the bullshit will present itself, then you can be free of your chains andy, from your puerto rican slave master, you can water down your chains of bullshit, so that they disintegrate and you’ll be free, free of your sour thoughts i guess, the ones you’ve actually been obsessing with afterall, and you are stupid, and nobody really does care about you, and love really doesn’t exist, a young cat came up to one of these properties, i guess its the girls from next door, i got to pet it, it was so friendly even though my boss kept yelling at it, i guess my kindness encouraged it and lured it like a moth to light, i picked it up and it immediately began purring in my arms, its so nice, the girl stood up in the window and was looking at me, then later she kept coming out hanging her laundry on the clothesline, she’s really hot, but as of now, even if she begins to talk to me, since i’m a sexy young man/handyman sweating/lifting/fixing/bending my sweetbuns over, still… i belong to another.. and that’s just the way it is. so there’s never any reasons for a girl who’s in love with me to ever be stressed, because her heart, is already messed, i messed it up already didn’t i? i’m sorry, but all this at least isn’t just bullshit, the years of it, condensed and redacted into bullshit pickup lines/lies/promises by guys could never compare huh? am i gonna be able to put a blanket on you and pull you out of the whole of despair? could i run with you on a couch or bed and just cuddle with you, in our safety, in oour new life? who knows right? love isn’t a game man, you know it, i know it, except i don’t know if you know it or not, is what you feel inside just playtime? i can assure you its not on my part, its real, if you let it, but you gotta talk eventually, when the fuck will that be? online man, easy, looming… like… what the actual fuck are you waiting for? don’t you wanna build up to our date with sweet words and comedies? quit being a lesbian you pinche

clivedavinci: what…a fat…fuck

(via coinfarts)